Over 12 years ago I started out on a path to find my purpose. Prior to this time ‘Old Prue’ was rather uncommittal, she had a sharp tongue and used her sense of humour to mask a lack of self esteem. Defensiveness was the armour commonly used to protect a belief that she wasn’t good enough whilst her indecisiveness mirrored a fear of getting it wrong.
It was an exhausting existence having all these strategies holding me back from living my fullest potential however I didn’t know this at the time and therefore continued to play the game I call ‘the cycle of perpetual sameness’.
It didn’t matter how much I changed my externally environment (partner, job, countries etc) the story always remained the same; experiencing the same thoughts, same feelings which lead to the same outcomes. As the saying goes ‘insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different result’ so it was bitter sweet to learn that it was me all along that got in the way to my happiness.
In 2008 after yet another go on the cycle of sameness, I had reached a place where I felt soulless.
I had created a life around me that I thought I wanted. For the first time after years of travelling I came home, got a well paid salary job, company car, was in a secure relationship, lived by the beach and had the freedom to work as I wanted. So why didn’t I feel free?
After years of building this life and convincing myself it’s what I wanted, I started to doubt my own decisions. How am I here again? this feeling of being stuck whilst my ego was holding on to being right and yet my soul was screaming for me to listen. So for the first time in my life, I chose to listen.
Over the coming year I began a dedicated asana practice 5 times a week sometimes twice a day, like all things ‘Old Prue’ she threw herself into the physical to forget the emotional however Yoga has a magical way of stripping you back until you can’t hide from yourself anymore.
The Universe conspired to ensure I had more alone time than I felt comfortable with. My usual social self began to withdrawal from all I knew as I started to question ‘Who am I?’.
For the first time in my life I made the conscious decision to follow my heart regardless of how much my mind wanted to control the outcome. Yes there were moments of doubt however an inner steadiness would repeat ‘it’s ok, just one step at a time’.
It didn’t matter how long it took me, I was patiently committed to myself. I wanted to experience a light from within that couldn’t be lit or extinguished by external influence. A sense of who I was beyond the beliefs and behaviours I was accustomed to living my life through, it all had to go.
So I gave it all up! The job, the relationship, the apartment, the ‘stuff’ until all I had left was my backpack and intuition. In 2009 I bought a ticket back to the UK where I studied Reflexology and reignited a relationship with an old flame (my now husband).
Throughout the year, my student finances guided me to cultivate a home practice whilst my student case studies introduced me to three grateful souls I met through volunteering at a local support group for carers of drug and alcohol addiction.
They were my first teachers as a practitioner because often I felt out of my depth, their lives were beyond anything I could comprehend however here we were connecting every Wednesday for nearly a year. I often thought how was one session a week going to help these people? But it did.
They taught me the importance of consistency and being committed to your word. Each week one woman would always say in a thick Welsh voice “ahhh she came back” this continued for nearly 2 months before I was greeted with a warm hug and hello. What I came to understand is that they lived in a world where nothing had been consistent and therefore couldn’t trust it. My showing up each week unconditionally made them realise they are worthy and it showed me that from little things big things grow.
In 2010 for the second time I travelled to India however this time I completed my Yoga teacher training in Kerala. After a month long immersion into Asana, Pranayama, Kriya, Meditation and Kundalini I emerged like a deer in the head lights wondering how on Earth I was going to integrate this practice back into daily life.
With a new found appreciation for study and chance encounter with a fellow traveller in Kovalum I was introduced to Reiki. I remember my first Reiki session, where I experienced such an powerful and intense heat in my groin almost to the point of being uncomfortable, I couldn’t believe it as not only was he not touching me, he was at the crown of my head.
This experience definitely spark intrigue and wanting to learn more. As I continued my travels I found myself in Pushkar again. Having travelled India a few years earlier this place had a magnetism for me, I remembered a Reflexologist that I wanted to see and of course as all things aligning he was a Reiki master teacher so Dr Mathur initiated me in March 2010 into Reiki.
The initiation into Reiki came at a time where I had the space to dive into the practice deeply. Although I connected to the practice itself, it wasn’t until I met Shanti who lived in Rishikesh that I felt I had found my teacher. It was with Shanti whom I completed my level 2 and then Masters/Teachers in Manali (Himalayas) on July 6th, 2013.
Having had the blessing of sharing this practice in an intimate setting with Shanti 1:1 I felt this too was how I wanted to share it. Shanti encouraged me to start teaching small groups straight away because “without the student you won’t learn”. There is a vast difference between conceptually knowing something verses embodying it which only comes from experiencing it in the here and now.
Since then I have taught over 600 students in all levels of Reiki, some of which have become life long friends. This practice has gifted me beyond measure and even today I feel like I have only dipped my toe in the water of it’s limitlessness.
Since returning from overseas and resettling in Sydney 9 years ago, I have taken the time to lay roots. These roots feel like a natural extension of who I am in my business, relationships, my practice, as a teacher, a student and one of my greatest Dharma’s of being a mother.
What I came to realise is that a spiritual path looks different for everyone. Some people can be pushed by pain in their bodies and lives whilst others are pulled by a deep desire to know why they exist. Which ever way it happens it was always going to happen.
So here I sit reflecting on ‘Old Prue’ like a distant friend who only knew what she knew and I am sure in another 10 years time I will do the same for Prue NOW.